Reinforcing good habits and approaches doesn’t have to be a big discussion
I get a monthly massage (privilege noted). It’s part of a regimen of monthly appointments to manage chronic pain that I’ve been doing for many years. Why am I telling you this? Because over the years of treatment, I’ve rarely received feedback from my massage therapist about her perception of my body, and the state she was finding it in—until this month. She shared that she could see that I’d been doing my deep breathing “homework” and that my body was responding to it. As she told me this, a number of thoughts rushed through my head: gold star for homework completion, less tension would mean lowered pain and most importantly, her feedback meant I was more likely to keep practicing my deep breathing.
It’s a truly wild time to be in the workforce. We’re taking in more information we than we could possibly digest, at an unrelenting pace, through a seemingly never-ending set of unprecedented times. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. Like, really tired.
And, if you are like me, this tiredness tends to sharpen your edges, making you more likely to dig in your heels and reflexively push back on any criticism or feedback from those around you. (**gestures to the world**!) But this moment with my massage therapist, where we created a space for this kind of conversation and this feedback, was a reminder that reinforcing good habits and approaches doesn’t have to be a big discussion, it’s a culture that’s created between two or more people who want the same thing.
Elevate the work
Little moments of feedback and iteration can elevate the work. It can encourage more from your team and yourself, and bring awareness to those things that would benefit from taking a pause and reviewing it together. Here are some tips that I bring to my team, and hold myself to, that have been helpful.
Start small: Cultures/attitudes/spaces—whatever you feel comfortable calling them, are not created overnight. Each moment, each decision you make to say something, or not say something, is informing what happens next. If you are silent when small errors happen there will be a whole lot more discomfort in the conversation when big ones happen.
Consistency matters: Just like my breathing exercises, you need to be consistent. Giving micro feedback like “Great work on this” or “Next time can you bcc everyone for privacy reasons” turns down the heat for the human on the receiving end of the feedback. It also gives you pride in your team, when they excel in the way you know they can. Being intentional each and every time you make a tiny adjustment allows for trust and two-way accountability to grow
Respond don’t react: I am a broken record with this advice. It’s also a post-it on my screen that I read more than 100 times a day as a reminder that feedback is about responses not reactions. It’s a simple distinction, but a big difference. Let it be known this is something I am absolutely still working on every day but that’s why they call it a practice. For the uninitiated, responding is factual, clear and specific but it doesn’t mean it’s unemotional. Responding with joy and enthusiasm is still responding. Reacting is when you let your inner saboteur in. Biases, hyperbole and anger can all rear their ugly heads. Pausing to stop the saboteur and let the real you in, will allow for feedback to be better stated and better received.
Document and reflect: Whether you are giving feedback or getting it, documentation is key. Iterative processes— hypothesize, test and analyze then repeat—work best when documented. Knowing what you are trying to achieve, even if it’s something esoteric like a culture of feedback, revisiting what you’ve previously tried can help to increase the rate of change. Sharing that same documentation with those who you want to join you on this journey can also help to increase the pace. Maybe the hypothesis is asking the wrong questions, or maybe the reception of the last set of feedback was misinterpreted. Documentation helps you to celebrate the wins and makes the whole process part of the norm. We document good, bad and ugly, not just the ugly.
Be brave: Feedback is hard. Many people (myself included) want to be better at something but we don’t get there alone, or by hiding away. We get better by asking for, and giving, feedback. It opens the door to ideas and approaches that may not have come to us previously, it helps us grow and most importantly it creates space for two humans to connect. And wouldn’t a little more connection be nice these days?
I’m no expert at this. I’m still learning, and would love to hear your feedback on these ideas.
Laura Champion is the Senior Director, Fund Development at Lumenus Foundation. She is the Founder of the AFP Speaker Discovery Series, was Chair of AFP GTA Congress in 2020, and has spoken all over the globe. She has a deep love for fundraising, learning, and her one-eyed wiener dog, Mortadella. lchampion@lumenus.ca
