Women are still being measured against an outdated model of what a “real” leader is
Most women I coach don’t secretly want a bigger office or a more impressive title. They want influence. They want power with people, not power over them. They want to be part of decisions that shape their communities, their teams, and the missions they care about.
Yet the dominant leadership script in many organizations still assumes that power looks like control, distance, and certainty. When women lead from a different place, using—connection, curiosity, collaboration—it can be misunderstood or undervalued. Not because it doesn’t work, but because we’re still measuring it against an outdated model of what a “real” leader is.
This article holds both truths: your feminine leadership strengths are desperately needed, and the system you’re in still judges you through a masculine lens. You’ll learn five ways to re‑anchor yourself in your own style, while navigating stereotypes, so you can expand your influence without abandoning who you are.
Own your energy and you will own your power
Women are often read emotionally before they are heard intellectually.
Owning your energy is your first act of leadership: it signals presence, not permission‑seeking. When leaders step into a room, the energy shifts. Before you enter any space, remind yourself of how you are choosing to show up energetically. You can’t be effective if you are stuck in survival mode, abducted by the subconscious signals of your reptilian brain.
Remind yourself that you are your own safety net: you decide that your contribution to the room matters. Focus on curiosity to keep yourself present in difficult situations. When you own your energy, and you like how you are showing up in the room, everyone notices. True confidence comes not from knowing it all. It comes from knowing that no matter what happens, you can figure it out. You can trust yourself.
Action: Stop falling into the room. Start getting curious.
Before you lead others, you must first lead yourself
In systems where women’s competence is more easily questioned, the most radical move you can make is to lead yourself deliberately—taking responsibility and setting the tone for how challenges are handled.
The goal of leadership development is to be 1% better than you were the day before. This requires a commitment to trying new things, new strategies and being ok with feeling uncomfortable. If you are unhappy with something in the office, start with owning your part in it. What could you have done differently? Leaders go first when it comes to acknowledging things that didn’t go well. Staying in presence versus sliding into drama is a leader’s responsibility. Expect the best version of yourself to show up, and then you can expect your team to rise to the occasion. Devolving into drama and blame is a workplace experience that must be addressed by leaders.
Action: Stop fueling drama. Start owning your part in things.
Notice all the views…not just yours
Women are frequently the ones who intuit the undercurrents in a room. When you turn that into a deliberate leadership practice—actively surfacing perspectives—you move from reacting to emotion to being strategically inclusive.
Others may have different perspectives. Think of a beach ball with coloured stripes on it. The finance people will have a view from the blue stripe, while others see things from the perspective of red. Getting really good at listening for other perspectives gives you incredible influence as a leader. Perspective is powerful because it shifts the pre-determined narrative in your head. Keep an open mind and assume positive intent until proven otherwise. A leader’s job is to make decisions that focus on the best outcome from all the perspectives, not just the ones they are most familiar with. Good ideas and solutions can—and must—be built from differing perspectives. The solutions that have the most staying power are most often co-created.
Action: Stop sticking to your premeditated solution. Start co-creating new solutions.
Balance warmth and competence for maximum leadership effectiveness
Because leadership is still unconsciously coded as masculine, women must often signal both warmth and competence at the same time to be read as “leader‑like” rather than “nice” or “difficult”. This “double bind” effect means that for women to be effective leaders, they must calibrate their warmth while also speaking directly to their competencies.
Females are known for their collaborative style and their relationship-based way of connecting. Including strategically placed statements about your years of experience and your expertise will increase your effectiveness. Include your formal introduction at speaking events. Include your credentials in your email signature. Reference your years of experience when you position a strategy for consideration. And leverage data and research to support your arguments. Being warm and being competent is the best way to navigate the unhelpful labels of bossy or indecisive.
Action: Stop being over-the-top friendly. Start deliberately referencing your professional experience.
Beware of defending, overexplaining and justifying
From an evolutionary perspective, females are hard wired to be relational based beings: when we are in community, we thrive. As a result, our brains and social conditioning push us to protect relationships at all costs. In modern workplaces, that can look like over‑explaining. The leadership move is to choose clarity over justification.
Explore using fewer words with more clarity. Keep the justifications and explanations for your inner monologues. Avoid defensive postures by reminding yourself that you do not need to respond right away. Take a pause, tell people you’ll get back to them, or deflect the question to somewhere else. It’s your job to not become defensive. Leaders don’t defend themselves. They lean in and explore the question and the situation.
Action: Stop over-explaining. Start taking a pause before answering
Leading as a woman, in systems built on a masculine template, will always ask more of you: more awareness, more calibration, more courage. But it also gives you a unique opportunity to model a different kind of power—power with, not power over. When you own your energy, lead yourself first, welcome multiple perspectives, balance warmth with visible competence, and trade over‑explaining for clear, grounded responses, you expand your influence without shrinking yourself. You don’t have to become someone else to be seen as a leader. You have to become more fully, deliberately yourself.
Jenny Mitchell is an Author, Speaker, Host and Trusted Voice on Women’s Leadership. As founder of Chavender, she works with leaders who are ready to go from high performer to influential leader, stepping into bigger roles and bigger rooms, while keeping their humanity intact. A sought-after keynote speaker and author of the leadership book “Embracing Ambition,” she brings her creativity, insight, and passion for excellence to the not- for-profit world.
