Does this article make you feel uncomfortable?
In grade 8, at my parent-teacher conference, my dad and step-mom were told that I was doing well… except for gym class. The comment was that I wasn’t trying, and that it could be indicative of potential future issues with my academic performance or work ethic. Looking back at this makes me laugh. While the teacher had noticed the outcome, he hadn’t quite put his finger on the why behind it.
The “why” required a little more unpacking, starting with the fact that I don’t like to exercise. In fact, I hate it. Every second of every work out, I am counting down to when it will end. Going deeper, I hate it because it makes me uncomfortable. I’m sweaty. It brings up my body shame and any change/improvement is so slow. We live in a time of instant gratification, and many of us have the luxury of choice to not experience many types of discomfort. As a result, “discomfort” becomes larger and scarier when we must go through it.
Discomfort in the workplace
This idea translates into the workplace in the example of folks not having a conversation directly with a colleague and instead complaining to someone who we know will agree with us. Or it is the example of what happens when a project gets slowed down or deprioritized because leading it means a whole lot of change and with that change—discomfort. Ultimately the outcome of avoiding discomfort at work means changing jobs, or leaving the industry, or simply being complacent or even worse—miserable eight hours a day, five days a week.
So, while I worked out this morning, (ugh) I tried to think of positives that come with a little discomfort. I hope my reflections will help you challenge yourself to push into your next uncomfortable work or personal moment.
Start small
Witnessing others be uncomfortable in conversation is “cringe” inducing. The inclination is to remove the discomfort in the room by smoothing it out or adding wiggle language such as “does that make sense?” But sitting in the silence, much like with a major gift ask, allows for a moment of reflection. Discomfort in microdoses increases your tolerance of it and allows your flight or fight response to recalibrate. Find ways to microdose discomfort in your day-to-day.
New experience and new adventures
Cliches are hard to avoid when talking about discomfort. For example, there are a lot of athletes and coaches who talk about “pushing” themselves. One that does resonate and doesn’t illicit an eyeroll from me, is “Do what you have done and you will get what you always got.” Being uncomfortable in the short-term means that you might set yourself on a new path or change the way an interaction has historically gone. What’s the worst that can happen? You’re already burning energy and avoiding being uncomfortable, maybe you’ll get that time and energy back and learn something along the way.
New understanding and relationship building
Uncomfortable conversations often mean someone is expressing a value they hold. Listening to what they are saying and poking at it with questions and compassion can mean that you get somewhere new. Not everyone in the workplace is going to align 100% with your values, but if you can work through those uncomfortable moments of misalignment to find what is shared, your relationship and the way you communicate will be better for it. I will note that this is a two-way street and sometimes your colleague won’t meet you halfway. This likely means they’re not ready to be in a space of discomfort with you…yet.
Pride
In the workplace “success” is often measured by salary increases, formal credentials or title bumps, but that’s not all that can make you feel proud. Looking at the moments where you were brave enough to be uncomfortable, will embolden you to ask the tough questions going forward and will help you to lead through moments big and small. When I look back at my career path thus far, the moments of which I am most proud, happened when I stepped into something scary or uncomfortable and found my way through it.
Did this article make you feel uncomfortable? Do you want to talk about it? Reach out. I would love to learn and grow with you.
Laura Champion is the Senior Director, Fund Development at Lumenus Foundation. She is the Founder of the AFP Speaker Discovery Series, was Chair of AFP GTA Congress in 2020, and has spoken all over the globe. She has a deep love for fundraising, learning, and her one-eyed wiener dog, Mortadella.
