Check yourself before you wreck yourself
I have a Gen Z on my team and in a recent one-on-one meeting, he shared that he was not having a great day—that staring down the barrel of fourty more years of work, global upheaval, the rise and impact of AI, and so much more was top of mind. Heavy, right? Not the average start to a check-in, is it? There was not a word about his task list, and I was thrilled.
Why was I thrilled? Because it’s exactly the type of response my opening question was designed to elicit. That question? “Where do I find you today?”
I don’t recall when or where this question came into my life but from the moment it was first posed to me, I knew it was a powerful tool for leadership and coaching. It forced me to pause and reflect—Where was I in that moment? What was I bringing to the table/conversation/interaction? I have written about the power of a pause before, but this was another way to bring that idea to life.
So, to start the weekly one-on-ones I have with my team members, I try to remember to ask this question. Their responses have varied from the Gen Z’s nihilist moment, to being frazzled about workload, to a joyful share about exciting personal news. Each of these reactions informs the conversation that follows in a way that would not have occurred if I’d asked, “How are you?” or “How was your weekend?”
We’ve been socially programmed to give the quickest and/or most expected response to these standard greetings. It has become performative on both sides, and generally we’re not fully listening to the responses. Pre-pandemic, when more of us were in the office five days a week, we had a better sense of our team members. Laying eyes on someone each day gives you the chance to notice patterns and differences—not as easy to do from the other side of a camera.
Now, I am not advocating for a return the office, rather I am offering a possible solution to help fill the gap. This also incorporates feedback I’ve received from others, that their team would be confused or thrown off by the type of question I’m proposing.
Tips for getting from “How was your night?” to “Where do I find you today?”
Be vulnerable: Share with your team that you are working on your leadership skills and intend to try something new. Add that you aren’t sure it will work for all. Tell them when you are going to start, invite feedback with instructions on how they are to provide it. Then when they offer comments, be prepared to receive them.
Be ready to be uncomfortable: When you ask an open-ended question you have to be ready for open-ended answers. Removing the norm means you pivot from pleasantries to active listening and deeper conversations. It may mean that sometimes the meeting turns into something that wasn’t planned. Occasionally this will turn into a loss of “productive” time, but it will pay off in the long run. Knowing where your staff are emotionally, physically and intellectually allows you to see issues before they happen, re-traffic the work, and help your team feel seen.
Its two-way street: Role-modeling the approach to that question means you will also have to be prepared to respond to the question. Taking a beat before you hit “join” on that call means you are grounding yourself; having a split second of situational and personal awareness about what you are bringing to the meeting. That’s a nice way of saying it gives you a chance to “check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Doing that for each meeting means you’ll check in with yourself multiple times a day, a small improvement for your self-care and mental health too.
So dear reader, where do I find you today? Reach out and tell me – I’d love to chat.
Laura Champion is the Senior Director, Fund Development at Lumenus Foundation. She is the Founder of the AFP Speaker Discovery Series, was Chair of AFP GTA Congress in 2020, and has spoken all over the globe. She has a deep love for fundraising, learning, and her one-eyed wiener dog, Mortadella. lchampion@lumenus.ca
