I fell in love for the first time in grade four. David was in grade five.
My house was on 4th avenue at the top of the hill on the edge of a town called Cranbrook. My parents bought it for the spectacular view of the Rocky mountain range. There were floor to ceiling windows in every room. Wherever you looked the vista of the mountains was breathtaking.
I didn’t care about the mountains though, because David’s house was at the bottom of the hill.
About six times a day I walked past David’s house with my best friend Lisa. Lisa lived on the same street as David. Everyday—even in the middle of a rocky mountain winter—I would walk past David’s house to Lisa’s house. Pick Lisa up. Walk back past David’s house. Go to the convenience store. Buy a hot chocolate. Walk back past David’s house again. Drop off Lisa. Finally, walk back past David’s house, one last time. Then home, back up the hill to my house.
During the walks we could often catch a glimpse of David watching TV. On a really good day he might be in his front yard and we would get to say hello.
In grade six I got a new pair of rainbow jeans and I wore them everyday. David told me that they made my “butt” look good.
By grade ten Lisa and I were walking four miles to the hockey games on Friday night. David was the captain of the hockey team.
Everything I did, I did for him. I thought about him when I got ready for school. I thought about him all day at school. At the end of the day when I walked home I was constantly looking over my shoulder to see if he was walking home too.
In evenings when I did the dishes, I could sometimes catch a glimpse of David hanging his hockey equipment in the backyard.
When no one was home I bounced around the house singing to Air Supply’s, "All out of Love" which I hoped he could hear down the hill. I was so lost without him!
My love affair with David lasted all through grade school and into high school. Thirty years later I tried to find him on Facebook because I wanted his permission to share this story at a fundraising conference. Sadly, I found his obituary. David had died at a very young age due to ALS. Yes – I cried. I still love him. It makes me sad to think that he is gone. He never knew how I felt.
Obsession is not healthy
If I had a time machine, I’d love to have a chat with that boy-obsessed tween that I was in the 1980’s. I would tell her that she doesn’t need the attention and approval of someone who isn’t interested in her. I would tell her to advocate for herself. Remind her that she doesn’t even like hockey!
At this point you may be wondering why I would share such a personal story? Well, for many years I used this true story to advocate for being equally obsessed with our donors. Again, if time machines were a thing, I’d have a chat with my forty-year-old adult charity executive self and tell her that she doesn’t have to sacrifice herself (or her family) for her organization—that she could accomplish more by working a bit less, and focus care on herself and her family.
Those who dedicate our lives to charitable purposes are at greater risk of burnout and other illnesses. We are often so deeply invested in our organization’s mission that our entire sense of self is tied to our work. We perpetually live with limited budgets and increased workloads and there is an emotional toll to combating the most critical societal issues.
So, as we celebrate all different forms of love, I’d like to remind you that YOU are just as worthy of care as your beneficiaries, your donors and your family. So, what are you doing for yourself today? How are you prioritizing your needs? What are you doing to seek out joy? Love? Connection?
We are at an inflection point. The data is very clear. We need to start taking better care of ourselves and our teams so that we can meet the increasing demands of the world in these very turbulent times.
Since we don’t have a time machine, the only way we can engage with the past is to learn from it—to evolve and grow into better healthier, happier and more fulfilled versions of ourselves. We need to lead with compassion – for ourselves and each other.
Our work is important, the world needs us to be well. Let's take better care of each other.
Kimberley Mackenzie, CPCC, ACC is a leadership coach and strategic planning facilitator. A charity executive for 25 years, Kimberley built a six-figure consultancy and held her CFRE for 17 years until she was certified by the International Coaching Federation as an Associate Certified Coach and by the Co-Active Training Institute as a Certified Co-Active Professional Coach. She is the former editor for Charity eNews, an AFP Master Trainer and Group Facilitator. She participated on Rogare’s think tank reviewing Relationship Fundraising and was a driving force in the early days of SOFII.org. You can reach Kimberley at k@kimberleymackenzie.ca or sign up for her newsletter The Compassionate Executive at www.kimberleymackenzie.ca .
