BREAKING | April 1

In a bold effort to reduce administrative overhead and "cut out the middleman," the government announced a new funding plan today. Instead of filling in tiresome long forms, charities were directed to go into a large field in their region with a large basket. A government plane would fly overhead throwing money out of the airplane.

"We got the idea of John D Rockefeller giving dimes to every single person he met" said a government source who asked to remain anonymous.

Unfortunately, we hadn't really thought through the whole thing. While the idea was sound, we had forgotten about the government cancelling the penny. So planes just went up in the air with mystified charity employees standing in the fields with large baskets."

"After working the usual 60 hours this week, including 3 evening meeting, I was a bit disappointed" said charity employee, Jane Lee. "But, I prefer to think that, although the charity where I work did not actually get any money, I believe we were able to raise awareness.

In a related story, a group of corporate giving programs have announced a new giving program. Charity employees, volunteers, and service users can go to any local coffee shop and, for the price of a coffee, participate in the "Roll up to win $20,000 in unrestricted operating dollars." Must be 18 to participate.