How you steward donors and executors has a major impact on their perception of your charity. Make a positive impact, and the chance of a donor or family member feeling connected, saying good things about your organization, and providing more support to your cause goes up. Make a neutral or negative impression, and things can quickly go south. Opportunities may be lost, now and in the future.

It doesn't have to be that way.

Case in point: an estate co-executor recently shared a very interesting story with me. Let's call the co-executor "Fred".

The donor (a member of Fred's family) left bequests to four charities.

Here's a chronology:

Month 1: Donor passes away.

Month 2: Notice of probate application and copy of will sent to charities.

Charity A's Planned Giving Director sends undated handwritten card to Fred.

Charity B's Estate Officer sends undated handwritten card to Fred.

Charity C sends a handwritten, dated card from the President/CEO of its supporting foundation to Fred.

Month 5: probate granted.

Month 8: first estate account statement sent to charities.

Month 10: Charity C invites Fred and his co-executor to meet a researcher and tour the charity's facility.

First estate distribution occurs.

Month 11: Charity D sends a letter from its Vice-President of Development to Fred, followed by a handwritten note from the development officer to Fred.

Month 16: Charity C hosts Fred and the co-executor at the charity's facility. They meet with a researcher, tour the facility, and discuss recognition options. They also meet one of Charity C's top donors who gives a powerful testimonial about giving to Charity C.

Month 17: Charity B mails its annual report to Fred's co-executor without a cover letter. The co-executor flags the page where the donor's estate gift is identified and forwards it to Fred.

Fred contacts Charity D to learn what has happened since the donation was received. Charity D proposes four options, in keeping with the spirit and intention outlined in the will, and invites Fred to help make a decision as to which would be most appropriate.

How does Fred feel about the way the charities have handled matters to date?

"Charity C has definitely boosted my affinity to them!"

Fred feels included and well informed about the impact of his relative's gift to Charity C will have; he trusts the organization will make good use of the gift.

Fred has neutral feelings about Charities A and D, but in comparison with Charity C, he feels they fell short. And Charity B? "Charity B didn't even think to put a cover letter with the annual report. They mailed it to my co-executor. My co-executor had to flag my relative's gift and forward the report to me."

The bottom line? Right now, it's good to be Charity C, but this is a work in progress.

Fred wonders whether the other charities will be in touch again in the future or whether things will just peter out.

Fred also questions whether the other charities, for now, have lost opportunities for more giving (with Fred, his siblings, and possibly the next generation of Fred's family).

What might the other charities do to help Fred feel more connected and salvage the relationship going forward? Here's what Fred says:

"Giving begets Giving' . . . if I receive information from an organization that highlights the impact of my relative's funding and decision making, I'll share that with my family and siblings, which I hope will raise their sights, educate, and inspire them to consider their charitable contribution, legacy and specifically the detail in their wills. A small ripple moves out from the stone dropped into the water.

Even if months or years have passed since monies were received, seize the opportunity to share an update. Identify a recent and specific action that has happened since funds were received, and which demonstrate momentum/progress toward the donor's intent and share this news. Where possible, revisit how the executor would like to receive updates and how often.

A phone call, email or a letter could be an effective and efficient way to share an update. The benefit of an email and letter is that the co-executor has something they can share with members of the family to communicate the impact of the deceased donor's wishes/intent.

The benefit of a phone call, is in learning more about the co-executor's interests, that gives the organization what they need to tailor future communication updates specific to content, frequency and means. An invitation to tour or meet beneficiaries of the donor's gift, is excellent and admittedly requires more time on the organization's part.

If a personalized tour is not possible, an invitation to a larger event hosted by the organization, that will convey impact or offer education around a specific issue, aligned with the donor's intent, may be effective.

In short, to resurrect the relationship, the charities could simply call, reconnect, and share an update."

Here's your opportunity, Charities, A, B and D. Fred isn't asking for much. Phone, reconnect, share an update. If you'll also ask Fred and his co-executor what's most important to them, and how often and in what ways they'd like to hear from you, you may have just started the process of winning them, and the future, back.

To that end, consider questions along the following lines:

"How often and in what ways would you like us to report to you about what we've done with [the donor's] gift, and the results achieved? "

"What would be most meaningful to you?"

The executors may wonder what you have in mind. In that case, you could follow up with something like "would an annual update meeting with our lead researcher be of interest to you?" Or "would you like a written report from us each year?" (If you'd like more thoughts about developing such questions, see my article "When silence is golden: listen your way to more gifts". )

Listen carefully to the executors' response and act accordingly. What else can we learn from Fred's experience? Strong and thoughtful stewardship has an impact. Attention to detail is important. Giving is about feelings and trust. Being included in a thoughtful way leads to good feelings and enhanced trust; these result in growing affinity. As Fred says, "giving begets giving." Growing affinity also begets giving.

Murray Landa B.A., LL.B. is the Senior Consultant and B.C. Marketing Director, PGgrowth Inc.