I sit down to write this with music in my brain, the chorus of “Closing Time” by Semisonic echoes with its totally appropriate lyric—Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world. These musicians are from my sons’ era not mine. It’s fitting nonetheless.
After 32 years in the charitable sector, (and another ten before that doing television advertising and promotion) I am taking down my shingle, packing it in and hitting the open road, so to speak. It’s been a long 52 years since I received my first full time pay-cheque, with a couple stops along the way to return to school (twice!) to segue my “just a job” into a career. Add two kids, four grandchildren and a 20+ years “new” partner, and it’s been a full life.
This “over-share” (as my kids would say) is inspired by my actual exit interview, scheduled for next week, my last week of fulltime employment. I have no clue what I will say. How do I close this purpose-filled chapter of my life? I’m a big list maker, so I’ll start by sharing a few reflections with these five “to-dos.”
#1. Be realistic and fluid with decision making. My journey to retirement has been interesting. Way back, I was all about retiring young but divorce changed my trajectory to “the good life.” I reevaluated and age 55 became 60 which became…another benchmark. Now, here I am past the best before date, past even the new official retirement age. Fact: you will never have enough money.
#2. Evaluate where you are, against where you were. I’ve been lucky—blessed in fact, that the final stop in my career was close to 15 years with an employer who empowered and enabled opportunities, including ones I’d yearned for in earlier days. So, I’ve “hung in there” for a variety of good reasons.
#3. Have a general sense of what you’d like to do, “after.” When my partner in life, M, retired six years ago he did so determinedly, even defiantly. I marveled at his decisiveness because I have wishy-washed my way through all the years since he put his feet up and started watching tennis. “Should I go, or should I stay?” became my agonized mantra. I never saw the other side of the fence until this year, despite wonderful advice from my just-do-it mate, and other friends who crossed over. I researched dozens of articles, talked to counsellors and my siblings and sons whose opinions I value most in the world. They know me warts, and all yet nothing ever resonated.
#4. Listen to what life is trying to tell you! Circumstances propelled me to finally make the decision. Nothing big nor serious. First, I have a couple health concerns that are all age related. They are truly annoying and time consuming, and don’t go away no matter how much I try to ignore or work around them. Also, a new crop of keeners appeared at work— an exceptional crew of talented, contemporary skilled old souls. I am reassured that my work, which I’ve invested heart and soul into, will go on and thrive.
Honestly, one day I just stopped being afraid of this stage. That was my turning point. If you can’t retire young and your career has defined you—as mine surely has— filling both ego and RRSP, it takes a mountain of courage to look in the mirror at the unfamiliar face and say, now what?
What did you want to do before life got in the way? What did I want to do when I grew up? I for sure never laid awake at night dreaming of being a fundraiser. Securing seven figure gifts or designing and implementing capital campaigns was not in the lexicon of a sixteen-year-old. Rather, I was destined for the big screen, with six kids and a white picket fence as a side gig. I’ve had to go back to the beginning to find my next chapter’s outline.
#5 Get help. Maybe that should have been point number one. I didn’t get here on my own. I had help (that I actually sought out) in the form of a Retirement Coach, who happens to be one of my former CEO’s, now on her own retirement post-career gig. I strongly encourage anyone hitting this great abyss to do the same. For each fear I presented, each question I raised, she had a sound logical suggestion, or question that would get me thinking about opportunities, not challenges. The wonderful world we live in now has a coach/mentor/smarter friend for every career point, and most are available online. A retirement coach is not a life coach per se—not a therapist for sure, but rather someone to help you identify your likes and dislikes, allowing you to start a new life plan where you are the boss of you.
Regrets?
Like old blue eyes said, I’ve had a few, but too few to mention. I could have gone earlier. If I had any advice to give to someone who is also waffling, I would say there’s always going to be another cool project and there’s never going to be enough money, so go while you’re healthy. How I will feel in six months or a year is anyone's guess, but I am finally excited. And that’s plenty good enough for now.
Eyre Purkin Bien CFRE, former Director, Strategic Giving CNIB. eyrepurkin@gmail.com
