You are a widow. Your late husband had dementia and became violent. Life was hell.
You are a son. Your dad died after a horribly long struggle with stomach cancer.
Your mum ran off with a 25-year-old. This happened only months after the death of your 60-year-old dad and now she has died of a heart attack. She split her estate three ways between her new “other half,” you and a charity.
You are a daughter. You cared for your late mum who was incapable of communication for three years due to a stroke.
As an executor you get a thank you letter for the legacy of your relative.
(Or, it could be worse and you got no communication at all.)
Now think:
• Do you want condolences? And what is a condolence?
• Do you want sympathy?
• Do you want to know the impact of the gift?
• Are you angry you have not inherited everything?
• Are you glad you can now continue your life with your secret lover?
The biggest question for YOU (as a legacy giving professional) is: do you know how any of these humans feel?
Are they cracking open a chilled bottle of champagne weeping buckets of tears or are they heated with anger?
The answer for you the fundraiser: YOU DO NOT HAVE A CLUE. But WOW it would be good to connect and find a happy way forward.
Our research with lawyers, next of kin, executors, pledgers and enquirers indicate many communications are assumptive. Or they are such obvious templates that it proves you do not really care.
Legacy fundraisers hold the key to vital relationships with executors (professional and lay peope), next of kin, in-memorium donors, complainants, contested Wills, those with a life interest, enquirers and pledgers.
A thank you letter is not the end of the journey—it is just the beginning.
It is possible that all of the above audiences may have never been in touch with you. Yet, ALL of them are future legacy prospects – not just the enquirers and pledgers.
Saying thank you really well is hard. Perhaps we ought to invest just as much in “thank you” communications as we do in “please” communications?
As I get older, I am joining the herd of word nerds.
And, I get angry with myself when I still get words wrong.
Let’s start with the worst word to a next of kin: condolence (usually used in the plural - condolences).
Excuse me for asking but what is a condolence? It’s never used by anyone except at a death. And it is clawingly sympathetic and assumptive.
Sympathy is BAD. Empathy is GOOD.
To be cynical for a moment, (as some next of kin are too) why are you sending condolences after having received a small (or large!) fortune?
Isn’t it better to immediately express your gratitude for such exceptional generosity and then express your empathy. For instance: “we cannot imagine how you are feeling.”
Consider each audience (as previously defined) and answer one question: Are you setting an objective for that email, letter or call? If not, why not?After all, doesn't every appeal you send have an objective?
As families fragment or at least experience less permanency, “unhappy” Wills and contested Wills are going to increase. What will this do to your charity’s brand and reputation?
Are you recommending a “Free Will” where the terms and conditions say “we take no responsibility for contested Wills” or “Our Will is no substitute for legal advice.” Read every word of the Terms & Conditions carefully. It is frightening to witness what is in the small print. And a “kit” to make your own?... OMG so dangerous.
By 2030, one million Canadians will be experiencing dementia – by 2050 it will be 1.7 million (Alzheimer Society of Canada).
How many older Canadians are vulnerable but need help to make a good Will? Is the objective to be a supportive arm or just ignore their circumstances? Or, is the objective to enable connection so you can understand what they are going through?
I wonder what your situation is? I do not have a clue.
Richard has been helping charities grow legacy income globally for over 35 years and has no plans to stop yet! He has just updated his Will and becomes more passionate and forthright as years progress. His book, “Why legacies are brilliant for charities and how to get them,” is now available through Amazon in PAPERBACK and kindle. https://bit.ly/3WtD7ci
