The only time I was “restructured out” offered a teachable moment that endured over four decades of work experience. Initially hurt, the death of my post-college dream job was a huge blow. Yet over time the lessons from this experience were significant, the biggest revelation being, often it’s not about you at all. You get caught in a “change of direction” or “switching things up” or government funding for fresh talent hired straight out of college simply runs out (my situation). It’s sad, but the truth is that there’s so much going on operationally that often we are simply a blip on the radar of management’s thought process.

I also learned from that first adult career situation, that some people avoided the cut so I studied what made them “wanted” while I was not. Determined to ensure my own success moving forward, and to never experience that feeling of failure, again, I was highly motivated to always leave a workplace under my own steam. I worked at highlighting my skills and honing talents, being reliable, going above and beyond, being agreeably adaptable (while not a pushover), and keeping my own counsel. Every time I left an employer after that first experience, it was on my terms in a gentle manner for both my employer and me.

Just as valuable as staying employable is leaving an employer in a manner that they want you back.

• First, do no harm. While you might feel a temporary high telling your boss where to go and how to get there, you’ll only hurt yourself in the end. As your time at a place comes to an end, the quieter your exit, the better for you. People move all the time, and often the superior you had so much trouble with will also leave. I’ve known people who parted ways amicably only to be asked back when the “real problem” is solved.
• It’s not you it’s me. There is a point where you see the cracks in the relationship, or a role isn’t what you expected and there’s no recourse. Rather than accept that as inevitable, move on. The door goes both ways. The more you gripe, and make it “all their fault” the more it will come back to bite you.
• I have learned so much here, it’s time to see if I can be as successful on my own. This is a case of self-awareness. We get too comfortable and begin to wonder what would it be like if I was the boss. That’s fair, and leaves the door open if you find out the grass is not greener on the other side.
• This opportunity is too important in my career path, not to take. Simple. Straightforward. But be prepared that leadership may work to keep you with offers of a higher title, a bigger role or increased pay. If your resignation is a career ploy you may get what you want this time, but your work will be under a microscope, to say nothing of the other employer who feels jerked around.
• I am not as excited in my role as I was when I started. I need a fresh new challenge. This is likely the ultimate goodbye. We’ve all been there. Most often the response is understanding and sadness that there isn’t something to offer you but a door is always left open in case you want to return.

Each of these examples captures the internal dialogue that motivates one to leave, without getting into the negatives that may also be contributing factors for change. Hindsight makes me wish I had been braver and moved earlier in some instances, but each time I stayed until I had truly done all I could to be positively effective and productive.

You know when you’re done. Just don’t burn the bridge on your way out of town.

Eyre Purkin Bien CFRE is now retired and doing other things.