A friend of mine made a decision to end his seven-year membership at a snazzy downtown athletic club. The decision did not come easily. While he loved the club, my friend had moved out of the area and wasn’t getting good value.

He went to the club to cancel the membership, readying himself for questions about why he was leaving after so many years. It seemed inevitable that the club would have a leaving-customer protocol.

All the attendant said was “okay”, and proceeded to process the cancellation. There were no questions, expressions of concern, requests for feedback, or an offer to speak to the manager. And, four weeks later, there is still nothing from the club.

It’s not you, it’s me.

This experience made me think about how we respond to a philanthropist who ends their relationship with our charity. In fact, I recently behaved just like the club, when a long-time major donor told me that he would be directing all his giving elsewhere. I was surprised and taken aback— all I could muster was a “thanks” for his generosity and for letting me know.

Since we are in the “build relationships” business, a loss like this has both organizational and personal impact. We work hard to create and strengthen relationships with our organizations, and while doing so, we create warm relationships with people.

Think of the volunteer who joins your organization. You onboard them, develop rapport, and find a role that you both think matches their available time, skills, interests and resources. They are placed into their role, learning more about the charity and seem to be thriving. Then, out of the blue, they send an email that they no longer wish to volunteer.

What’s your response?

I’m sure everyone reading this article would express gratitude and celebrate the volunteer’s (or donor’s) contribution.

What if, before signing off, you asked to schedule a follow-up conversation in a couple of weeks? There could be tremendous value gained from the volunteer’s insights and comments about the charity. Make sure they know that your conversation will help in continuous improvement for the organization. Furthermore, if you dig deep enough, their frank comments could be meaningful and instructive for change.

Ask specific questions, and be prepared to record the responses:

• How did we meet or not meet your expectations?
• Did they understand their impact on the charity?
• Did they feel valued? Thanked? Informed?
• How would they describe the level of communication?
• Did we make errors, or did we make it difficult to give time/money?
• What hopes do they have for the charity in future?
• How might we change our processes to improve?
• If you were the CEO of our charity, what would you prioritize at this time?
• What advice do you have for me, for my future interactions with prospective and new philanthropists?

Send a hand-written card of thanks following the conversation. Compile your data once a quarter. Take a 3,000-foot view to see if there are threads of commonality. Take action.

My hope is that your “dig-deep” conversations clear the air and perhaps even encourage a supporter to recommit.

Sandra Baker, CFRE is the Director of Advancement at Hamilton District Christian High, and a charitable sector consultant.