When my mother-in-law was dying I asked my friend, who is a minister, what I could do. I felt so helpless. Kirsty told me that when people are in their final stages of life, they really just need someone to listen.

My mother-in-law took her last breath in a room that was full of laughter. She was finally at peace. I now understand that death, while sad, can be as natural and as beautiful as a loud and painful childbirth. This is the circle of life. As legacy fundraisers we are in a very privileged position to be a small part of this process.

I used to think that to successfully work on the planned giving portfolio I needed to be an “expert” on the technical aspects of legacy giving. Now I know differently. Here are some things that I have learned while working in the legacy program that I could never learn from a textbook:

Make the time

Nothing you have to do that day is more important than talking to someone about their final wishes in life. Nothing. A meeting that is scheduled for an hour may turn into three. Gently move it forward to make sure that business objectives are accomplished but be available to listen to your donor talk about their life, their dreams, their regrets and their final wishes. Legacy gifts are not about you or your charity. Legacy gifts are 100% donor-centred. Always. Make the time.

Be sure you can keep your promise

A donor might be very specific in the conditions imposed around their bequest gift. Try to understand their motivations by asking open-ended questions like: "It sounds like you love visiting the XYZ exhibit in the museum. Can you tell me more about that?"

Actively listen and turn off the "yes but…" thoughts swimming around in your head. Be truly curious. Once you understand their motivations of their request you will be in a much better position to meet their desire to be affiliated with a certain feeling or place or program. You can then offer a less restrictive solution.

Here's an example: Perhaps you work for a theatre company and your donor fell in love with a contemporary new play. What the donor might say is "I love the David Mamet plays that your company produces and I want to leave a legacy toward that." Through active listening we can get to the underlying motivation. It isn`t realistic for a bequest to be directed toward producing David Mamet plays every year – in perpetuity. Perhaps the legacy your donor is striving for is an endowment to ensure that your theatre company always has the funding to try new, leading edge and risky productions. You can get to this place through actively listening to your donor. 

Be honest

If you don`t think that your charity is the one to truly realize the donor's intentions or that perhaps they have your charity mixed up with another one - make sure to clarify these issues with the donor immediately. This can often happen in the case of environmental or cancer charities. I have had a few donors talk to me and use the name of another charity and it is always necessary, albeit difficult, to make sure they called the right place. No one wants a bequest that was intended for someone else.

Be respectful

Yes, I`m pointing out the obvious! But I think it's necessary. Your donor is very likely much closer and more experienced with the cause than you are. Organizing their affairs may be slightly overwhelming for them due to frequent conversations with financial advisors and lawyers trying to balance family needs and obligations. Some people's thoughts may wander or their bodies may be frail. Respect their experience and wisdom. I believe our job is to help the process of finalizing an estate to be as simple as possible. Through empathy and understanding of the donor's love for our cause, we can offer peace of mind that no financial advisor or lawyer can.

Know your job

Remind your donor several times that you recommend they discuss their plans with their financial advisor and their family. Then explain why. It is very important that everyone understands that your charity is in the Will because the donor wanted it there. Not because you did something to entice, manipulate or coerce. Harsh words I know but this is an extremely important conversation to have with your donor. You might try approaching the subject like this:

"Mrs. Norman, It really has been a pleasure talking to you about your estate plans. We at xyz charity are very grateful for your decision to include us in your Will. Please remember to discuss your plans with your financial advisor (or executor or lawyer)and if you are comfortable doing so, with your family. If we are all aware of your desires it will be easier for us to work together to ensure that your wishes are granted."

Discuss recognition

Wills are pretty dry reading. It can be very helpful to a charity to have details of how your donor would like to be acknowledged, even including the wording they would like placed on a bench or a plaque. Having these details in the Will can ensure that in ten years, when the donor is gone and you have moved on, your charity doesn`t have to guess what was promised. Your charity will be legally bound to carry out the donor`s wishes if it is written in the Will. Just make sure that you negotiate something realistic and easy for your charity to implement.

I'm going to live, live, live until I die

Nothing in my career has been as rewarding as my experience working with legacy donors. I know that I am better able to do this work for having had first-hand experience with the final stages of life. Being with my mother-in-law on her death bed changed my perspective.

If you haven`t had the experience of taking the final steps of life with someone then I would suggest reading "Tuesday`s with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. This book is an amazing thesis not just on how to die but mostly how to LIVE. 

And isn`t that what legacy fundraising is really all about – helping people live with peace of mind, knowing that their values will live on long after their lives will be over?

Kimberley MacKenzie is deeply passionate about building the capacity of the charitable sector. Kimberley is Editor of Hilborn, Charity eNEWS and also works with a variety of organizations to advance a culture of philanthropy among staff and senior volunteers, and ultimately raise more money for their missions. She serves as a member of the Advisory council for the Rogare Think Tank in Plymouth University and is Director of Education for the Planned Giving Council of Simcoe County. Contact her via@kimberleycanada, email her, or visit www.kimberleymackenzie.ca.