At the best of times, prioritizing our well-being can be a struggle because one of the personality characteristics that lead people to work in the not-for-profit sector includes a tendency to put the needs of others first. This means, the standard flight safety announcement about putting on your own life preserver before helping others is either ignored or rationalized along the lines of “I will have enough time to save them, and then me.”
That said - if any of the signs and symptoms in my first article, The Burden of Burnout resonated, see it as a sign to seek the necessary resources to build a kind of healing cocoon. Recognizing that burnout stems from an unhealthy work environment is very important, and while I believe that many organization leaders are stepping up to better understand and address this issue, many of the institutionalized problems that are root causes of burnout may also make change slower than needed. Relying solely on change within the workplace or expecting that a new job (without doing any personal healing) will help, is short-sighted. Don’t wait to put on your life preserver.
No quick fixes
Burnout recovery is a personalized mission and finding the services that best serve you can take time. There are no quick fixes. I brought my burnout from one organization to the next but was aware of it and had begun the work needed to overcome many of the biases and fears that I had. I know how fortunate I am to be on the path of recovery and I understand Eliza Dolittle, when she says in My Fair Lady that the “… difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.” The challenge is how to correct course to ensure you are being treated as you want to be.
The following suggestions are culled from personal experience, academic research, and lots of reading. Start by employing the service of others to help care for oneself (which is somewhat different than self-care) and work to grasp the honourable significance of our lives beyond work. A licensed therapist, counselor, or coach, trained to work with burnout can help, and some workplaces offer internal support or insurance to cover the cost. Therapy should be confidential, with your office only knowing if you choose to tell them. This approach may help to identify things that make you susceptible to burnout and taking a holistic approach to healing is best. It often starts with self-compassion, which can be hard, because as Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski write in their book, Burnout, “…healing hurts and growing stronger can be scary. But it’s worth it because healing helps us grow mighty and heal Human Giver Syndrome.” Self-compassion dictates that it is ok to seek help.
Do you have a BFF at work in whom you can confide? I stress the importance of trustworthy friends who can listen without judgement, understand the frustration and pain, and help just by being present, lightening the load with kindness and some laughter. Its also good to remember that sometimes dwelling on past issues can trigger emotional reactions that belong in the past. How are the focus and topics of conversation serving you, is this someone else’s drama that no longer serves you? If so, work on letting it go – avoid getting caught up in the Schadenfreude trap, where seeing your colleagues’ failures or troubles brings you self-satisfaction or pleasure. Covid has been isolating so as soon as possible try to reconnect safely and simply enjoy each others company.
Be mindful of situations where the risks outweigh the benefits. We know that the onus of responsibility lies in the organization to change, but in the meantime, it will be helpful to stay clear, as best you can, of upsetting situations. I am not suggesting complete disengagement, but be selective of when and where you want to participate. If there is no pressing ethical or moral issue at hand, do you really need to weigh in, showcase your knowledge, or be the lead on a project? Work to advance yourself by creating a cost-benefit qualitative analysis. Recognize your right to take time to decide and also to say no. Can you seek a path of least resistance and learn ways to identify what you need and how you want to be treated so that you can be your best self? Once you figure some of this out, find a way to communicate it clearly to those who can help you achieve your goal. Again, asking for help is important. Be mindful of how best to ask, and outline what is needed in the first person. This is not a blame game, and the person in charge, (who may be both the cause of your burnout, and the best able to help) is likely not even aware of their shortcomings and limitations.
SLEEP. Seriously, get enough sleep!
Get fresh air and exercise. Can any of your meetings be outdoor walking meetings? Book time in your calendar, even a few times a week to meander outside – listen to a podcast, music, or a good book…on burnout. 😊
Set helpful boundaries. There is NOTHING wrong with putting an “out of office” message on your email and phone to tell people you are off-line till 9am and if it is an emergency please call. It will help the person contacting you to decide if their issue can wait.
Put away your phone! It is essentially the office in your hand! I know this is very hard to do, but the benefits will show up. Start by removing alerts – that way you won’t be tempted to check for emails each time it buzzes, dings or plays your favorite ringtone.
Take the time to show up in your relationships. Prioritize time spent with family and friends. I read that it is emotionally easier for a person to simply finish up their work and then join in with others while on holiday. But this is a slippery slope - five minutes turns to twenty and then an hour or more. It is important to question why there is no room for downtime. Find ways to help recognize the value of your non-negotiable downtime and how it leads to healthier productivity overall, then share this with your colleagues. There is no heroism in having worked through the weekend.
And like the lyrics from The Gambler – You’ve got to know when to walk away and know when to run.
It may indeed be time to begin designing your exit strategy and plans for leaving your job.
Next: Creating the Space In Between: A practical guide for managers and employees who want to create healthy workplaces - together!
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Debbie Dankoff, MPNL, PPCC, CFRE has been working in the not-for-profit sector for over thirty years. The bulk of her career has been in major gift fundraising for higher education. Debbie is a certified Professional & Personal Coach, who uses her training when consulting for a variety of organizations in the charitable sector; her focus being on organizational development, donor stewardship and self-care.
